Dear Singles

Dear Singles,

All my single people (boys and girls) say “heeeyy!” Say it like you mean it, loud and proud!! Too bad most of us don’t see being single as something to be proud of. In fact at my age it feels like a badge of shame to be honest.

We live in a society that teaches about romance and marriage from a young age. If you don’t have a career goal you most likely dream of the day you’ll get married or produce a mini you. When we are “of age” and we don’t have a partner then it’s assumed that there is something wrong with us. We get asked “why don’t you have someone”… can I just say THAT IS THE WORST QUESTION TO ASK A SINGLE PERSON! How do I even answer that? “umm I don’t know? I’m ugly?”

 

She’s not ugly. She’s cute.

 

I’ve lived a good chunk of my over 18 life being single. Half of that time I didn’t want to date anyone because I really wanted the freedom of getting to know me. (those were my “Eat, Pray, Love” days).

I travelled, I studied, I made friends with who ever I wanted, I bought my own apartment and lived on my own. While some of my generation was saving for a wedding or wiping their babies bums, I was teaching kids in Cambodia English and now helping women who were once in DV relationships or running away from war-torn countries to start their own small businesses and make a better life for their families. Some people call me Mother Teresa… Whatever.

If I had a choice to do those years again I would definitely do it single.

Was it ever hard? Of course!

Was it ever lonely? Yes, sometimes my heart literally hurt.

Was I ever lost because of my singleness? No.

Being without a partner did not leave me confused as to who I was. I do not feel like there is another half of me missing because I genuinely believe this time was designed just for me, not to be shared with a male partner.

There were times I thought “ok God, why am I scaring all these men away? Am I doing something wrong?” Once these questions came so did the doubt. Doubt in myself, that I was not pretty enough, fun enough, skinny enough, loud enough, smart enough, quirky enough, good enough etc.

But every time the doubt came I had to pull out the reasoning:

“I put lots of effort into my appearance, I am open-minded about trying new things, I’m healthy, my level of volume at which I speak gets my message across, I tried my best at Uni and now I’ve graduated, I’m my own version of quirky when I’m myself and I’m not good enough I’m very good.” In genesis 1 God created the world and said it was good. He then created [hu]man and said it was very good. We are the ones that doubt therefore come up with the excuse that “I’m not enough”.

I researched what the most attractive quality was in someone (and when I say researched I mean Googled and clicked the first few links). Do you know what the most common one was? Confidence. Not race, weight, financial status or cheekbone structure but confidence.

If someone is confident it means that they have faith in themselves and therefore others are willing to have faith in them too. If you are not a confident person I don’t think that you should fake it till you make it. If you do that, you are most likely going to be trying to over compensate for the lack and it will come across as prideful, vain and selfish. No, you need to believe you have something to be confident about. Be confident that you are kind, caring, genuine, thoughtful, encouraging, intelligent, strong, resilient and wise. You can’t fake these things; you need to grow into them.

Your end goal can’t be confidence. Confidence comes when you know who you are and the great things you wish to contribute to the world. The world doesn’t need arrogant, greedy people it needs love. Everyone was put onto this earth for a reason. There are no purposeless lives. And to be honest I would be far more attracted to a guy that sticks to his passion and speaks of it as if it was what brings him joy (even if I had no interest in it) than to someone who has no direction in life. I’m not talking about a career, I’m talking about a heart for something. Having a heart for something that brings you to life when you speak of it and urges you to be better. Something that brings out your good side and the side that makes you think, “I am enough”.  

Come on singles! No more sitting around wishing, hoping and hiding. Get rid of that doubt and fill that space with purpose! If you are meant to be dating or married it will happen but in the mean time make your single season count!

 

*At this point, as a Christian, I should be saying fill that space with Jesus and you should. Jesus should be your anchor but Jesus died and the veil was torn so we could be enough to be in his presence. If you don’t know where to start when finding your purpose, then trying asking your creator. He can definitely point you in the right direction.

 

“But Jess! How do I build my confidence without turning conceited?” you ask me.

Here are 3 easy  #loljokesnotsoeasy steps :

Run your race

Do your thing. Yes, you have a thing. You have a unique purpose that was specifically designed for you. Let’s say you are running a race and you start off in your lane. Then you realise that the person a couple of lanes over look like they have a better spot so you make your way over to their lane. You start to feel like there’s no room there and you see that you were so distracted by which lane to be in that you slowed down and you are now falling behind. You are also slowing the other person down. Your goal is not to have the best looking or fastest track. Your end goal is eternity. If you are focused on your breathing, keeping those legs and arms moving aka serving God, reading his word, surrounding yourself with people who are cheering you on you are bound to finish the race and finish well. As Carl Lentz explains it, you will probably find that the person you’ve been waiting for is also running their race and now happens to be beside you and not falling behind with the distracted people. When the time is right it will happen. Just do your thing. #Nike

Don’t sook. Make a change

If someone confronts you about something, don’t sook about it because they may possibly have a point. Think about where this person is coming from and does what they’re saying sound true in your life. If so, you may get all defensive at first but take a deep breath and think of ways to make a change. Trust that God is speaking to you and that he has the best intentions for you. He’s moulding you. A humble person makes the confidence all that more attractive because it’s not coming from what they are doing but from what God is doing in them.

Do Good

So we are doing our thing, we are trusting in God but in Psalm 37:3 it says, “trust in the Lord and do good”. There’s no point in trusting in God and sitting on our butts. PEOPLE! We need to do what we want to do now! Not wait until we are married! That amazing plan you have that will change the world does not need a marriage certificate. It needs a willingness to say yes and to run with it. Be kind, share love and just LIVE LIFE!

 

Sorry for all the yelling but some of you singles need it. The moral of my story is singleness does not equal shame. I’m bringing Single back! You are still the Unique you whether you have someone or not.

That is enough.

You are enough.

 

Yours Sincerely,

J

 

P.s I hope you sensed my sarcasm in certain parts of my writing. I tried to add emojis and gifs to match my tone. I’m not actually that narcissistic. I mean no harm, just love  xx

Knockout Year

Can I just start off by saying how excited I am that it’s 2016! TWENTY-SIXTEEN! There is nothing special about those numbers and there’s nothing significant happening this year (that I know of yet) but I’m just so ready for it. Do you know when you’re watching an action movie and it’s so intense and you’re waiting for the next part to relieve your anxiety? That is how I felt throughout 2015. Last year went by so quick because there was so much happening but I also felt like the struggle was never ending.

I won’t give you details as to what exactly was so hard but I’ll tell you what it was like walking through it.

I started the year walking slow, unsure of where exactly I was heading. I thought I was prepared and ready to take on the challenge, whatever that may be. I was horribly mistaken. I didn’t see it coming. Out of nowhere life sucker punched me right in the face! It knocked out my time. Then another hit knocked out my focus, before I could get up again another hit got me right in my insecurities. At this point it was only April and I struggled to catch my breath. How did I even get here? One day I’m ready for an adventurous walk and the next I had walked myself right into a boxing ring. How did that even happen? I heard voices from outside the ring, yelling, telling me what to do. I tried to make out what they were saying but it was just noise. I took a deep breath and swung my left hand at the shadow in front of me. I think it felt it but I’m pretty sure I got the worse end of it as a shooting pain started from my knuckle projecting up my arm, crippling my energy, strength and motivation.

Ding! Ding! Half Time! July…

The sound of half time gives me hope. I find a stool in the corner to rest on but for some reason I’m not getting my breath back. I feel a hand tilt my head back and pour water on my face. I open my mouth and feel the cool taste of water refresh my parched lips. My breathing begins to steady and I focus on it. The voices quietened. I only hear my thoughts, “Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale”.

Ding! Ding! Round 2! August…

At this point I figured if I block the hits they would only wear me out and not do any permanent damage. So I put my arms up to protect my mind and elbows in to protect my heart. My movements are slow and my vision is blurred but I know that this match has to end at some point. I thought to myself, “who is fighting me anyway?” I rub my eyes and try to peak over my fists in between hits only to see a hooded figure. Legs shaking and my opponent must have noticed because in one second they are knocked out from beneath me and my opponent is on top of me, staring me right in my eyes… My body shivered, I couldn’t believe how this could be, or why!?

My opponent… she… is me.

The crowd’s voices become clear. They’re not cheering me. They are cheering the other me. They want her to finish me.

I can’t fail!

But what really am I failing at? I’m loosing time and energy but my jobs are getting done. I just need to focus and get through this.

I covered my head with my arms and bent over take hit after hit. I stood my ground. Then I heard it, Ding! Ding! Ding!

The hits stopped. I looked up and everyone was gone. There I was alone in the boxing ring.

I collapsed and lay there till my eyes drifted closed.

That’s what 2015 felt like.

I got through it but I left it feeling tired, overwhelmed and basically having to drag my feet everywhere I went.

Then I went to Israel. I didn’t have to plan a thing. I just went wherever the tour guide said. I was able to sit back and enjoy my time, the food and the places. It was refreshing. I formed new relationships (with no effort at all) and I learnt so much in just 2 weeks! I loved it!

I came back home a little more energised. I celebrated Christmas and New Years and I found something that I’d been missing. My joy. I got my joy back! As soon as I realised it, the old song I used to sing in Sunday school popped into me head, “I got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. WHERE? Down in my heart to staaayyy.” I automatically felt blessed. Thank you Jesus for my joy!

Steven Furtick held a NYE service at Elevation church in Charlotte and I watched it shortly after it was posted online. He said, don’t just get through the year but look at the miracles God gives us and take something out of each month. Once you do then go into 2016 saying Hello from the other side. The battle I faced last year, I’m over it! The pressure I put on myself to perform, I’m over it! I got joy and peace now to praise God for the miracles he did in my life in 2015 and what he’s going to do in 2016. I’m looking forward to it!

The One-minute Apologist

While going through the You version bible app I came across a devotion called “Doubting Toward Faith” by the One Minute Apologist. I was drawn to it because only a few days earlier I was talking to my old youth leader and she now (8 years later) is beginning to doubt God and Faith.

Doubt is a very common thing for a Christian, especially during teens and young adulthood. It’s a time of thinking, processing and making decisions for yourself. For those who grew up in the church they come to a point in life where they make their own decision and declaration of faith. Some of them singing the right songs and hear all the stories but they don’t completely understand the Christian faith.

The One Minute Apologist shares online blogs and videos that answer questions most youth and young adults have on their mind. This website is great as all the answers are not opinions but researched topics that relates the bible to contemporary times. The One minute apologist aims to give credible answers. The videos are quick and straight to the point.

I recommend this website to Youth and Youth Leaders to prepare themselves for doubt hitting questions and to train leaders on how to answer those questions.

The Link is…

http://oneminuteapologist.com

God Moving Moment – State Conference 2014

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ACC State Conference 2014 was one of the most memorable God moving moments in my life and I wasn’t even a delegate. I had been interning with Youth Alive and as part of my duties I had to plan and oversee areas of the youth conference. This conference is held once a year by the Australian Christian Churches in Port Macquarie and the children of the pastors are taken out of school for a week to attend this conference. These youth have probably grown up around bible stories, gospel messages and Christian talk. Some feel confident in their calling and others just feel the pressure of being perfect little pastors kids. This conference is designed to provide enjoyable activities, build new friendships and to point their purpose to Jesus.

Pastors Kids live off the salvation of their parents but you can’t fake a relationship with Jesus. An experience from God is evident in every aspect of life and once you’ve had a taste you just want more. This is what we prayed for God to do in this Youth conference… and he did.

Not only did he move and speak to the kids but also God united the leaders and spoke through and to them. The more God moved in the leaders the more God moved in the youth. It was a ripple affect and prayer became an urge.

That week we saw renewed relationships with Christ, calling and visions placed on young people’s hearts and an overwhelming amount of joy that spread across everyone who attended. Even the youth leaders of the church facility that we hired were blessed after attending one night.

The event was planned with discernment, prayer and all glory was given to God. Youth Alive saw that there was a need in these young people’s life and shared that vision with the volunteers. This built a strong God centred team that opened the way for God to move right across every participant of the conference. We prayed it would be a God moving year and their callings and visions they got in 2014 would stretch through out 2015, ready to double the blessing every year following.

Even when it makes no sense

Just recently a woman from my parents church went into Cardiac arrest while working out at the gym. She was in ICU hooked up to machines for a few days. The doctors told the family they can only pray for a miracle… So they did.

Family, friends and church members all went to Liverpool Hospital chapel to praise God through the storm and pray for a miracle. They posted things on facebook saying “praising through the storm”, “His mercies are new every morning”, “she’s in good hands”. They were singing, “Even when it hurts like hell I’ll praise you, I will sing till the miracle comes.”

Wednesday afternoon I got word that she didn’t make it.

What the heck?

This story made absolutely no sense! She was probably in her 40’s, she was a mother of three grown kids, she loved Jesus and served and worshipped him with all her heart, SHE WAS HEALTHY and in a split second her heart stops. There was so much prayer and faith but still no miracle.

That family knew that it was a blessing whether she made it or not because they had faith in eternity. At the end of the day God’s word is still truth and he is still a good God. When a sickness attacks someone and they pass away or when a tough situation arises and failure feels strong people think that Satan has won. This is not true! Satan is only winning if someone looses faith during the battle. The bomb doesn’t define the victory the people who come out still holding on do. Or in other words, “It’s not about how hard you hit but it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward”. This women’s family came out singing and hushed the enemy doing it. A line from the song ‘Even when it hurts’ from Hillsong United’s Album Empires says, “Even when it makes no sense to sing, louder then I’ll sing your praise”. The sound of praise shatters the enemy.

So if you feel like Satan is throwing one grenade after the other then… SING LOUDER! PRAISE HARDER! WORSHIP DEEPER! Don’t let Satan win by stealing your faith! God is good and his Love endures forever!

Inter-Generational living

Every morning my grandpa gets up, showers, get’s dressed in his suit and tie, has breakfast, spends time in the word, meditates on it (sometime nods off), then goes for a walk around the park. At the park he stops to take a break at 3 spots and at each point he looks up and says, “Beautiful, this view is so beautiful”. He is 90.

Late last year he had a heart attack and went into hospital for four bypass surgery. A month after coming out of the hospital his wife (my grandmother) falls over concrete steps and she passes away. That same month he gets an infection right down to the bone of his toe causing it to be amputated.

This man has every right to give up on his routine, to loose sight of the beauty in things around him. But he doesn’t. He’s a mentor, a father, a pastor, a preacher, a prayer warrior, a widower and survivor. He has so much wisdom to pass on and sometimes I feel like he gets treated like a naive child or lost old man but he’s not!

The churches try to categorize him and put him with senior groups that play cards and go on excursions. Although he doesn’t mind those things, his idea of a good time is being part of a prayer group or evangelising to people. He tells stories, listens and learns others stories, and then prays for them. It makes him come alive. In my pastoral ministry subject we discussed the gap between the generations in churches. This gap creates issues as the younger generation are trying to figure things out on their own when there’s a world of wisdom out there to glean from.

If the younger generation made time from their busy schedules to sit with people like him they too will learn how to live a life of perseverance, health and spirituality.

The Word

“The Word” by Isaac Wimberley

If there are words for Him then I don’t have them
You see my brain has not yet reached a point
Where it could form a thought
That could adequately describe the greatness of my God

And my lungs have not yet developed the ability
To release a breath with enough agility
To breathe out the greatness of His love

And my voice, my voice is so inhibited
Restrained by human limits
That it’s hard to even send a praise up
If there are words for Him then I don’t have them

My God
His grace is remarkable
Mercies are innumerable
Strength is impenetrable

He is honorable, accountable, and favorable
Unsearchable yet knowable
Indefinable yet approachable
Indescribable yet personal

He is beyond comprehension
Further than imagination
Constant through generations
King of every nation

But, if there are words for Him then I don’t have them

You see my words are few
And to try and capture the one TRUE God
Using my vocabulary will never do

But I use my words as an expression
An expression of worship to a Savior
A Savior who is both worthy and deserving of my praise
So I use words

My heart extols the Lord
Blesses His name forever
He has won my heart, captured my mind
And has bound them both together

He has defeated me in my rebellion
Conquered me in my sin
He has welcomed me into His presence
Completely invited me in
He has made Himself the object of my sight
Flooding me with mercies in the morning
Drowning me with grace in the night

But, if there are words for Him then I don’t have them
But what I do have…Is Good News
For my God knew that man-made words would never do
For words are just tools that we use
To point to the Truth
So He sent his son Jesus Christ as THE WORD – Living proof

He is the image of the invisible God
The firstborn of all creation
For by Him all things were created
Giving nothingness formation
And by His word He sustains, in the power of His name
For He is before all things and over all things He reigns
HOLY IS HIS NAME!!
Praise Him for His life

The way He persevered in strife
The humble Son of God becoming the perfect sacrifice
Praise Him for His death

That He willingly stood in our place
That He lovingly endured the grave
That He battled our enemy
And on the third day rose in victory
Praise Him because He rose!!
Hallelujah He rose!!
He is everything that was promised
Praise Him as the risen King

Lift your voice and sing
For one day He will return for us and we will finally be
United with our Savior for eternity

So it’s not just words that I proclaim
For my words point to The WORD
And The WORD has a name
Hope has a name
Joy has a name
Peace has a name
Love has a name
And that name is Jesus Christ
Praise His name FOREVER!

Here’s the link to the live version of this word.
Kari Jobe – “Forever”

Be so good they can’t ignore you!

I’m at an age where things happen. I no longer have to say “when I grow up”. I’m grown. So when things don’t happen people ask me “ why don’t you have a guy?” or “You’re studying, working, caring for you’re grandfather and serving a church? When are you going to settle?” or “you’re travelling again!?”

Here’s the thing… I’m not normal. I don’t settle, I reach high until that work is done then move to something else. I have dreams and vision and they are not going to get done by settling, swaying or staying in the same place. I read this quote that said, “the world is a book, those who do not travel only read one page.” I’m so curious I want to read the whole book and look at each page, each drawing, each word, and each colour and embrace its story.

A lot of people think I have high standards… I do. With that high standard I’ve increased my capacity. The way I see it is God didn’t create such a big, beautiful, indescribable world just so we limit ourselves to our small boxes, small group of people and small way of thinking. We say we want to be like Jesus and live like he lived but we don’t actually think we can do it. We lower our standards to fit into the small spaces others have delegated us. Jesus had water and turned it into wine, travelled out of his way to speak to one outcast woman, and he saw the dead and called them back to life. He clearly thought outside the box.

SIDENOTE: oh btw I do want a guy but I’m not lowering my standards because I believe he deserves the bigger, better version of me (metaphorically speaking). And I pray he too will have standards that grow him as a man after God’s own heart.

We can’t do it on our own. My dreams are God’s dreams, my vision is God’s vision, and my standards are God’s standards. He sets them and I am merely just an obedient servant. But oh what an amazing life he’s given this young servant. It’s fuller, greater, better, with God as my strength. My capacity grows and he holds my weight.

“Jess” you may say, “we can’t all do that, because our circumstances might not allow that”. To that I say, yes you can! No matter what your circumstances you can dream bigger, serve more and love deeper where you are. Think differently! Be the best servant you can be!

Raise your standard and expand your capacity!

I Have Issues

You know those people that seem to have it all going for them?

Like the mum that has her hair beautifully styled, has a great figure and wears high heels all while holding the hand of a 3 year old and pushing a pram with a baby in it. Or the young college kid with the designer sunnies, driving to the beach in his drop top jeep with his friends. Or that couple that sit at the cute little café staring at each other with love hearts pouring out of their eyes, while sharing a chocolate thick shake.

You’d never know that the mum is on the way to a wedding and is rushing to the chapel and because the baby sitter didn’t show up on time so she had to take the kids with her and now she’s running late. The young college kid actually borrowed that car and the sunnies are fake. And the couple just got back together after a 2 year break.

As you can see I love making up stories but all that to say it’s not all as it seems!

Quick glances, assumptions and instagram hide the truth. The truth is we all have issues and when we compare we become analytical of ourselves. We put ourselves down and point out all that is wrong in our lives and think “why can’t my life be like theirs.” We think “I’m not good enough, I’m not cool enough, I’m not creative enough, I’m not pretty enough”. All these lies then turn into “I want… I think…, I need…, I, I, I”. Robert Madu (funniest/best African American preacher) calls it “the I problem”. Looking inwardly so much blocks our vision to see our true mission, which is to look outwardly and love others.

I do have issues but God created more than one human for a reason. We aren’t supposed to isolate our thoughts and feelings but to share them with others and inturn encourage and uplift them. The comparing game sucks and it limits your mind to the endless opportunity for community, growth and wisdom. Life is so much better than an instagram photo. Stop taking selfies and start pointing out the beauty that’s all around.

A Darling Summer

I’m sitting outside with my grandpa enjoying the sun’s heat and I ask him, “which season do you prefer, summer or winter?” With his pastoral wisdom he responded, “the summer of course because summer is the father of the poor.” He then continued to explain that in summer the poor are fed because it is in summer they harvest the crops. I was mind blown. It was in the summer that he lost his wife. It was in the summer he lost his toe. This summer gave him every reason to feel lonely, hurt and weak, instead he responds to my questions in the most selfless way.

We are now in February, technically the last month of summer. We run into the New Year so fast and we question where was the big change? Maybe 2014 wasn’t the best year and we feel tired and hopeless from the journey. But what if we saw this year differently?

What if we decided to look out to what we have sown, all our hard work from 2014, and what if we look for the harvest? Summer isn’t over. In fact the fruits are juicy, sweet and colourful! We can still make the decision to find the beauty, to find the extraordinary, to find the blessings that God is giving us. You can’t control the future but you can have a good idea of who you want to be when it comes around.

Will you be left tired and weak or will you be strengthened by the rich blessings summer has to offer? The harvest is here. It’s still summer!